I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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