It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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