I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
