I met the friendliest cop last night
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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