The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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