You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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