I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
