Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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