I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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