She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
