I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
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I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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