There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
