i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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