Just cropdusted the office
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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