it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
