she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
