Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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