apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
