So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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