No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
