He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
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Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
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I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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