Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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