im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
