You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
