fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
