how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
