I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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