Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
