I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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