Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
