why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
