I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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