i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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