You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
