she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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