i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
