Screwed.edu
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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