Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize