I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
