When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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