Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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