guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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