hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Who did Billy Mays play for?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
