My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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