Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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