whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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