If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize