He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
