So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
