I just saw a hot homeless man
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
