so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
