You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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