Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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