matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
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