He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
