Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
