I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
