We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
