I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
